I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
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I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
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Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
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