I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I would ride that face into the sunset
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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