operation harelip BJ is a go
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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