I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
