Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
