It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
