I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
