did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
