I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
True college students do jello shots in the library
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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