Just fell off a train. Bad.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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