That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
