You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
