At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
