Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
