Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
