Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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