God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Panties = found
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
