what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
