How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
