Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
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