Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
