We're like a lot better than the average bears
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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