Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
