My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
