im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
