What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
