i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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