so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
