I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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