i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
