So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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