What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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