john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
