i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
