I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
