Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
