I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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