I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
