Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
