I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
