a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
