just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
