Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
