I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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