my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
