I want to make a zoo with you.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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