Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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