the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
