ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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