ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
