Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
