We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
we should paint friendship bongs
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
