I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
