Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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