Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We are all done wearing pants today
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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