before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize