im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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