Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
