I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
