Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
