You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
