A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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