You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
