So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Four minutes until I can fart!
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
