mondays should just be called national damage control day
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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