what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
