My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
