A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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