somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
