How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
