I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
