@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
