Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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