peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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