I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
