My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
How external is "for external use only"?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
