dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
