I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
