he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
