No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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