i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
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Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
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Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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