but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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