so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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